I like twitter. I do, I do, I do. I realise it’s probably the cool thing to hate on Twitter, but hear me out. I don’t enjoy Twitter in the conventional sense. I’m in it for the minor celebrities, have been’s and never have’s, for some dude called Brycie17 lamenting his junior hockey teams 6 – 2 loss or a progress report from Mike Tyson on his fine collection of pigeons.

I don’t want people in the limelight. I can see them all day everyday; fuck those guys. I want someone who is unseen whether by choice or bad luck or just for the fact that they are an 14 year old living Milwaukee.

Twitter allows people to narrate their lives and I’ll be honest it damn well fascinates me. I don’t know why or from where this fascination stems just that it’s real and reading about what Mary Kate Olsen had for breakfast is always good for a cheap thrill when I’m all ennui stricken.

So thankyou twitter. Not for playing a role in the Arab spring or creating a medium where celebs could embarrass themselves on a seemingly daily basis. Nor will I thank you for your valiant aims of creating a more open society. No siree, thanks for all the useless shit you harbor within your castle walls. All the unneccessary hash tags and people clinging to what once was.

I salute you.