The Catholic approach – Sin as much as you want. Drink lots, fuck lots, swear lots; it’s all good because you can rattle off some hail Mary’s and presto! Your back in God’s good books.

The Evangelist approach – Talk about how Christ like you are and then immediately start judging anything and everyone.

The Televangelist approach – Like Evangelist’s but with the added boon that you become super rich. Don’t forget to eventually ruin your career after being caught in a brothel in Tijuana.

The Calvinist approach – Don’t enjoy yourself. Ever. You know what? Just don’t do anything besides religion.

The Muslim approach – Refer above.

The Jedi approach – Use the force.

The Greek/Eastern Orthodox approach – Do everything the same as the Catholics but talk about how much you hate them.

The Atheist approach – Read anything by Chris Hitchens and start flame wars with religious people in the comments section of Youtube. Honestly believe that by being real patronising and condescending you can change something that people believe to their very core

The Hindu approach – Don’t eat beef. Wash yourself annually in the Ganges.

The Buddhist approach – Be airy fairy and talk about how we are all interconnected. Basically those blue dudes from Avatar.

The Baha’i approach – Be unable to pick any one religion so just go on ahead and pick ’em all. Also known as “The Gotta Catch ’em all” approach.

The Fred Phelps approach – Blame everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, on “the fags”.

The Scientology approach – Adapt the plot of a science fiction book written by some random nerd into an religion. Jump around on Oprah’s couch.

The Normal approach – Be good.

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