I’m writing this to urge you to not do anything. Just don’t. Stop it. Make no mistake, everything can and will kill you. Don’t consume anything containing aspartame, don’t drive, don’t go swimming (please God, do not go swimming), don’t eat too much sugar, don’t eat too little sugar. If you live in a city then don’t breathe the polluted air. I’ll tell you what, just don’t breathe. Don’t fail. Don’t succeed either; success creates expectations you can’t possibly meet.

Don’t ever take risks. Be circumspect at all costs. Stay in your hometown with people you know in places you are comfortable and employed in a career where you can retire when you’re 65 with benefits. Don’t exit your comfort zone. Outside your comfort zone lies uncomfortablity and who likes being uncomfortable. Don’t drink alcohol. Don’t eat meat that’s not well done. Don’t go skiing. The snow may be full of soft promises but don’t fall for it. Don’t ask out that person you like; they’ll probably say no. Don’t find the solution.

Don’t cut your hair in that style. It doesn’t suit your bone structure. Don’t run. Don’t go outside in a lightning storm. Don’t test yourself because you are not strong enough. Don’t find out what you’re made of. Don’t fight anyone. Don’t go sleep late. Don’t drink coffee. Don’t indulge. Don’t have sex. Everyone has an sexually transmitted disease. Don’t take responsibility for your actions. Don’t trust people. Especially people who don’t look like you.

Don’t suffer for something that’s worth it. It probably isn’t worth it. Don’t walk around bare feet. Don’t play sport. Don’t learn a skill. It takes time and time is of the essence. Don’t go out of your way to help someone. Don’t have children. They lead to stress which leads to heart attacks and erectile dysfunction and a sad life. Don’t love anything. Don’t say what you mean. Don’t express yourself. Don’t laugh too hard. Don’t get angry or sad or excited. Don’t have pets. Don’t live. Living will leave you stone dead. Don’t die. Don’t be human.

Actually fuck it. Do all of those things. Just do something, anything.

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